We have a support group here for caregivers. I think maybe we need to start a support group for those unable to care for a loved one in need.

My mom, Jean, lives in Boynton Beach. Fla. In her late 80s, she’s been healthy enough to stay in the condo after Dad died. She doesn’t mind living alone, she goes to more movies, concerts and dinner parties than I do, and she’s been driving up until now, although that has increasingly become risky business. If you’ve been to south Florida, you know what I mean.

We knew this was going to happen sooner rather than later. She fell ill a week or so ago. No need to go into details except to say that while it isn’t life-threatening and hopefully not permanent, it requires care beyond what she can provide for herself. It’s left me hurting – because she’s not well and because I can’t do much to help.

Maybe your family equation is like ours, where one child is in the best position to provide care and does an amazing job at it. That’s my sister, Carol, who lives near mom. We call them the Golden Girls. They spend a lot of time together at restaurants and family gatherings, but also in doctors’ offices. Carol was calling and e-mailing me two or three times a day through this latest illness, when she wasn’t running to the drug store or grocery or lining up home health care. We have an older brother. Like me, Gary lives far from mom. But he’s a doctor, and so he can pick up the phone and counsel mom and consult with the doctors.
What a help he is.

Then there’s me, the middle child, in Charlotte, unable to do much more than call and pray.

No one’s at fault. I’m far away. I can’t afford the time and money it takes to be with her as much as I’d like. We’ve driven down before. It’s 23 hours round trip. I’m there in a heartbeat when I need to be. My mom and my sister know that. There is no family unease about this, no guilt. There is just, for me, sadness.

More than 50 million people provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during a given year. Many are sons and daughters who feel privileged to be able to put a loved one before anything else. God bless the caregivers. But may God bless, and comfort, the sons and daughters who wish they could be there but can’t.

The Caregivers Support Group at Myers Park United Methodist Church meets at 5:30 p.m. the first Wednesday of each month. Details: Carmen Rivera at 704-295-4818 or crivera@mpumc.org.